Priesthood is like joining a club once you leave you're deleted

I have one classmate from seminary that keeps in touch with me. He always asks if I hear from anyone else. The answer I give is: "No, once you leave the club, you don't exist." It is like you betrayed the guys who stay in. I think I am learning about dimensions of the priesthood that would have remained hidden had I not left. I am learning something more about the kind of culture it creates. In the seminary when a guy would leave the rest of us would say: "He is dead to us, we will speak his name no more." We said it as a joke, but there is some truth to it. It strikes me as strange that guys who are "men of God" would say such a mean thing. When I was still in the club, I'd get mad at the guys who left. Plus I'd feel kind of superior to the guy who left thinking that I must be stronger, because I stayed. I hear tell that back in the late 60s, after Vatican II, guys left the priesthood in droves. The guys who left created a network of support to help the "newly departed" find work. Groups like CORPUS and Rent-A-Priest helped guys make the transition. These groups are still around, but from my experience, you are pretty much on your own. Some guys made the transition successfully, others not so well. What helped me is my partner. It would have been more of a struggle were I totally on my own. It shows that solid, loving human relationships make all the difference. I still feel connected to the priesthood after all these years. If the rules were different I would probably still be a priest. But mandatory celibacy and "gays not allowed" produce very few options. I think it is not surprising that some priests really live two lives: the public one and a private one. Some do it quite well. As for me, I can only manage one life. So, I left the priesthood. It became a matter of conscience and integrity. No matter what, I'm still a Catholic and will remain so.