Priesthood is like joining a club once you leave you're deleted

I have one classmate from seminary that keeps in touch with me. He always asks if I hear from anyone else. The answer I give is: "No, once you leave the club, you don't exist." It is like you betrayed the guys who stay in. I think I am learning about dimensions of the priesthood that would have remained hidden had I not left. I am learning something more about the kind of culture it creates. In the seminary when a guy would leave the rest of us would say: "He is dead to us, we will speak his name no more." We said it as a joke, but there is some truth to it. It strikes me as strange that guys who are "men of God" would say such a mean thing. When I was still in the club, I'd get mad at the guys who left. Plus I'd feel kind of superior to the guy who left thinking that I must be stronger, because I stayed. I hear tell that back in the late 60s, after Vatican II, guys left the priesthood in droves. The guys who left created a network of support to help the "newly departed" find work. Groups like CORPUS and Rent-A-Priest helped guys make the transition. These groups are still around, but from my experience, you are pretty much on your own. Some guys made the transition successfully, others not so well. What helped me is my partner. It would have been more of a struggle were I totally on my own. It shows that solid, loving human relationships make all the difference. I still feel connected to the priesthood after all these years. If the rules were different I would probably still be a priest. But mandatory celibacy and "gays not allowed" produce very few options. I think it is not surprising that some priests really live two lives: the public one and a private one. Some do it quite well. As for me, I can only manage one life. So, I left the priesthood. It became a matter of conscience and integrity. No matter what, I'm still a Catholic and will remain so.

All my bags are packed and I am ready...

Once I said to a friend, starting with the phrase, "When I left the priesthood..." he stopped me and said: "No, you did not leave the priesthood. The priesthood left you." In a way, he is correct. In 2005, the Roman Catholic Church legislated that gay men are not eligible to become priests, BUT current priests who are gay may remain in the priesthood. I call this the Catholic version of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I thought to myself: "Why are gay men not eligible for the priesthood, but I am gay and a priest and I am allowed to stay? Answer: Because the church did not want a huge labor shortage. If the church asked all gay priests, bishops and cardinals to get out of the priesthood over 50% of the clergy in the US would be gone! (I'm estimating here.) Looking at my own ordination class from seminary over half are gay. I think the quote from the movie "Sordid Lives" is appropriate here: "How can I embrace a church that won't embrace me?"

Welcome!

Dear Reader,

Thank you for stopping by and allow me to introduce myself. I'm gay because God has a sense of humor. After many years of struggling I finally gave up and said, "Okay God, I'm gay." Besides God, my mother always knew, along with her older sister who said to my Mom when I was a little boy: "He's a little different, isn't he?" Yes, I am. God loves diversity. Vive la difference! Through these pages I hope to give insight into the journey of being gay, laughter (sometimes through tears) and some wisdom. By the way, I need to also tell you that I was ordained a Catholic priest many years ago and left after 19 years of service because I was just too damn lonely and wanted a husband, which I have, thanks to St. Anne. If you do not know, St. Anne is the mother of Mary who is the mother of Jesus. St. Anne is Jesus' grandma. There is a prayer Catholic single girls are taught: "St. Anne, St. Anne send me a man!" I said the prayer too and it worked. She sent me a man. A wonderful man who I have been with for almost 10 years. He's my soul mate and we are already like an old married couple. It just goes to show, whenever you need something go to Grandma!